Small acts of community
On Wednesday I turned 33.
33 in London. On a cold, snowy Wednesday.
I worked in the morning, played tour guide to my Ma and Pa in the afternoon.
I ate a plate of Napoli sausages with white beans, turnips and cabbage for lunch at The Eagle. Suitably beige on a grey day.
I ate zippy plates of Spanish and North African tapas at Morito with my Ma and Phil on Wednesday night. Equally suitable on a grey day, and one of my best meals in London yet.
We drank a bottle of Bollie. Dah-ling.
I have much to be thankful for. I am happy and content and grateful for all of the reasons you’d expect. I am privileged. There is no doubt about it.
And yet this is the birthday where I’ve felt most unsure about the year ahead. Excited, of course, about much of it - what, a life in London, and the travel that awaits. But there are reservations. Mostly about work. Where my career is headed. Whether I am doing what I want to be doing. Whether I will be stimulated enough by the stuff I do for a crust. Whether I ‘fit in’ here. Whether I am in a team that will embrace me, and whether my team is one I will fully embrace. I have daily pangs of doubt. They are as regular as my pangs of hunger, and remember, I am a glutton.
I need to learn to live with the discomfort of uncertainty and change. To embrace it a little more. To perhaps even find joy or comfort in it.
When there is uncertainty, and fear (if I’m really honest), it was little wonder that one of the things I got the most joy out of on my birthday was a very simple act of community.
We walked past Scotti’s Snack Bar, about half an hour after it had closed. Al rushed out from behind the counter and stood in the doorway to wave at us as we passed. A big hearty wave. One you could see from 50 odd metres away. He clearly recognised Dad from having visited the morning before.
A wave that made me feel cared for and valued.
A wave that made me realise there is so much here for me.
A wave that made me realise I do belong here. That I am building my own small community.
A wave that reminded me that community and connection will always be the things that matter most.